Into the Fire of Purification

As I mentioned in my last post, the New Year began with startling extremes of experience in my life.  I haven't posted anything since then because within the course of one month my life has basically disintegrated.  It dissolved before my eyes.  This process occurred with such rapidity as to give me whiplash.  It has also been extremely difficult and painful.  I did my best to keep my center, but in honesty I was in a very bad place for weeks.  I even went out in the desert alone to do shadow work and gain clarity and understanding on the events transpiring in my life.  The feelings of pain, loss, grief, desolation, confusion, being lost, loneliness were overwhelming to me, and for a time, I honestly didn't care if I lived or died.  I felt I had lost everything important in my life.

Only in the past 2 days (since February 1st) have I been able to come back to my center...back to myself.  I laughed and felt peace and calm for the first time in a month.  A huge part of the shift within me was the realization that a good portion of my suffering came from holding on to what had already past, even if only very recently.  I had to let go, release, accept what was, and surrender in trust to the process; that I would be taken exactly where I needed to be, and that I would be fine.  This did not by any means happen immediately. I resisted.   I tried to grasp what was slipping through my fingers.  In the end, however, I finally did let go.  I stopped fighting and resisting.  I stopped trying to hold on.  I cried and I grieved.  That night I actually laughed, and laughed my ass off at that.  The next morning I felt immense peace and calm.  I felt strongly centered within myself once again.  I finally could see that trusting the process and my own deeper knowing was absolutely essential.  I began to relax and sink into the flow of change in my life; to live completely in the unknown and have that be OK.  I began to simply trust that I would be shown the way.  The more I did this, and the more I focused in gratitude at the beauty of the moment, the more the magic, miracles, and mystery of  the moment began to reappear in my experience.  It's so curious how once we have passed through a difficult time in our lives and come out the other side, we can clearly see how easily it would have been to get ourselves out of that place, yet when we were in the middle of it we couldn't see the way out to save our lives.

My intuitions had not totally left me while I was experiencing all this, thankfully.  One thing that I clearly understood was that I had critically important lessons in these experiences.  I also knew that I was not going through this only for myself, but for all of Humanity.  I knew that what I experiencing was happening to many at this time, and that it was very important that I learned how to handle this much radical change at one time, and in trust of the process.  I knew that by successfully navigating these events in my life now, it would allow me to assist others later when this began happening to them.  I realized that as we approach The Shift, and as the energies continued to exponentially accelerate and increase in intensity, that those sensitive to these energetic changes would be affected first.  They are forcing us (or you could say we are forcing ourselves, from a greater perspective) to face our shadows.  It's basically like a fire that is burning away anything within us that is not us - that is not in alignment with our true natures.  We who are experiencing these difficult times now, and learning to find our security and power within ourselves, are the forerunners.  It is essential that we face our shit now, so to speak, to face any remaining dysfunctional patterns that remain within us, if we are to not only pass through the coming shifts fairly easily, but also so that we will be able to help others as more and more portions of the global population begin to go through the same process of purification.  We will be the midwives for the birth of the next version of Humanity.  We will be the way-showers; the light-bringers.

If you are going through very difficult and painful times in your life right now, know that it is a result of old patterns surfacing so that you may face and release them.  This is important work, and you can do it.  I believe in you.  I had people believe in me when I did not believe in myself.  I now return the favor.  We can do this together.  We are ALL in this together.  There is no separation.  Period.

I leave you with this quote from Louise Hay that helped me greatly in my darkest hours:

"When I feel overwhelmed by circumstances around me, I recognize that these are only old patterns coming up. I quietly go within and ask myself, "What is best for me?" All confusion then leaves me, and I become clear with regard to the step I ought to take." - Louise L. Hay